Explore Series - Impact Play
What is impact play?
Impact play is a term used to encompass all forms of hitting during play that stimulate an arousal response. This can include Spanking, Hitting, slapping with hands & also use of toys like Whips, paddles, Floggers & crops. "At least 50 percent of people have some interest in spanking," says somatic psychologist and certified sex therapist Holly Richmond. The key to enjoying this pleasurable kink is safety & Communication. Discuss limits boundaries and no goes before engaging in this type of play! Creating a safe space is key to fully enjoy the experience.
How do I talk to a partner about trying impact play?
Discussing impact play (a form of consensual play involving physical sensations like spanking or flogging) with your partner can be an exciting but sensitive topic. To ensure the conversation is respectful and constructive, it’s helpful to approach it with care. Here’s a guide to facilitate this discussion, with insights from psychologists and sexologists to support you:
1. Prepare Yourself
Before initiating the conversation, take some time to reflect on why you’re interested in impact play and what specific activities intrigue you. Understanding your own desires will help you articulate them clearly and confidently.
Dr. Justin Lehmiller, a social psychologist and researcher in sexual behavior, emphasizes the importance of understanding your own sexual preferences and motivations. In his book "Tell Me What You Want," he highlights how self-awareness can lead to more productive and open conversations about sex.
2. Choose the Right Time and Setting
Find a private and comfortable setting where you can both focus on the discussion without interruptions. Avoid bringing up the topic during or immediately after an argument or in a public space.
Dr. Lori Brotto, a clinical psychologist and sex researcher, suggests that discussing sexual desires and boundaries should occur in a calm, relaxed environment. This helps both partners feel safe and more receptive to the conversation.
3. Start the Conversation Gently
Begin by expressing your appreciation for your relationship and your desire to explore new aspects of your sexual connection. Frame the discussion as an opportunity to deepen your intimacy rather than focusing solely on the specific activity.
Dr. Lehmiller also notes that framing conversations about sexual desires in a positive and exploratory way can reduce anxiety and create a more open dialogue.
4. Be Honest About Your Desires
Clearly articulate what you’re interested in and why. Share your feelings and fantasies openly, and be prepared to explain how you think impact play might enhance your experience together.
Dr. Brotto highlights the importance of clear and honest communication when discussing sexual interests. She encourages partners to be transparent about their desires while remaining open to their partner's perspectives.
5. Listen to Your Partner’s Response
Give your partner space to share their thoughts and feelings. They might have questions, concerns, or be unfamiliar with impact play. Approach their response with empathy and understanding.
According to Dr. Lehmiller, active listening is crucial. Acknowledging your partner’s feelings and concerns shows respect and helps build trust.
6. Discuss Boundaries and Safety
If your partner is open to the idea, discuss boundaries, safe words, and aftercare. Ensuring both of you feel comfortable and safe is essential for a positive experience.
Dr. Brotto advises setting clear boundaries and agreeing on a system for safe words as part of responsible sexual practices. This ensures that both partners have control and feel secure throughout the experience.
7. Be Open to Further Conversations
The initial conversation might not cover everything. Be open to revisiting the topic and making adjustments based on both partners’ feedback and experiences.
Dr. Lehmiller suggests that ongoing communication is key to a healthy sexual relationship. Regular check-ins help both partners feel heard and respected.
8. Respect Their Decision
If your partner is not interested in exploring impact play, respect their decision. Sexual compatibility is about mutual consent and enthusiasm. Focus on other ways to enhance your relationship and sexual connection.
Dr. Brotto emphasizes the importance of respecting boundaries and choices. Consent and mutual interest are fundamental to a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship.
Conclusion
Discussing impact play with your partner requires honesty, empathy, and open communication. By approaching the conversation thoughtfully and with respect for each other’s boundaries, you can explore new experiences together in a safe and consensual manner.
How to Safely Try Impact Play for the First Time
Once you and your partner decide to explore impact play, it’s essential to establish a safe word to ensure clear and effective communication during your sessions.
Safe words are a simple and effective way for the submissive partner to signal when they’ve reached their limit. A commonly used system is having a set of words such as 'yellow' and 'red,' where 'yellow' means to slow down and 'red' indicates a complete stop of the activity.
You can choose this system or come up with a safe word that’s unique to your relationship. The key is to select a word that both partners can easily remember and use. This is especially important if you’re incorporating role-play into your impact play, as verbal cues used in role-play might not always reflect the partner's true feelings.
By agreeing on a safe word in advance, you ensure that both you and your partner feel secure and comfortable throughout the experience.
In addition to effective communication, it's important to understand which areas of the body are safe for impact play. Focus on hitting areas that are fleshier and have more padding, such as the buttocks, thighs, and the front of the legs. Avoid targeting areas like the spine, lower back, or any place where you could potentially harm organs. For activities like slapping, steer clear of sensitive areas such as the eyes, mouth, and nose. Instead, keep your hand flat and target the fleshy part of the cheek.
Practicing on a pillow before engaging in impact play can help you get a feel for the right pressure and technique. If you're exploring impact play toys, start with your hand and gradually progress to other tools as you become more comfortable.
What is Aftercare, and How Do I Practice It Properly?
Aftercare is a term used in BDSM and kink communities to describe the process of checking in with your partner after a scene or sexual activity. It ensures that both partners feel good and secure following the experience. This practice is crucial in any activity involving potential physical or emotional harm, such as impact play, and often includes providing the submissive partner with comfort items like food, water, a blanket, or ice for any bruises Cuddles and reconnecting.
It's important to remember that aftercare is not just for the submissive partner; dominants also need care and attention. Both partners should take the time to discuss their feelings, tend to each other's needs, and talk about how to improve future experiences. Although the term originated within the BDSM community, aftercare is a valuable practice for any sexual encounter to ensure that both partners feel supported and cared for afterward.